Have you ever been told by your family, “That's inappropriate!” “Go put on something more modest.”? And have you gotten annoyed? I sure know I have.
It got up my nose sooooooo much! And it wasn’t just my parents, my older brother would tell me as well! Now if there is anything more annoying than your older brother telling you he doesn’t like what you're wearing, I can’t think of it.
So my parents, getting fed up with my rebelliousness, told me why. And what I heard shocked me.
Maybe you’ve heard about guys and lust. Maybe not. Most likely, it would be a vague term at the most. Anyway, this is it.
God designed guy’s brains to be very different to girls' brains, which of course some people deny it. But it is true.
For example, we are better at multitasking, while dude’s are better at focusing on one thing and doing it really well. That’s why we work so well together in couples.
Sexual stimulation is the same. Girls' brains are designed to be sexually stimulated by romance. Ever wondered why the bookshelves of every library are stuffed with extremely graphic romance novels? Well, those really graphic, over the top ones are kinda like women’s porn.
Men are different. They’re stimulated visually by women’s bodies. In a healthy marriage, this would make the man more and more attracted to the one woman whose body he sees, his wife. But in today’s society, it means that basically every woman with a large amount of skin showing can sexually stimulate them. This is called lusting.
And it gets even worse! Men have the ability in their brain to “snap a photo”. This allows them to keep a photographic memory of basically anything that sexually stimulates them. Can you imagine that just from standing in a checkout line in front of a guy, wearing mini-shorts, that the guy could walk away from that store with a picture of your butt stored in his mind? Which he can use later to sexually stimulate himself. Cause it’s totally possible, and in fact today, I would say probable.
Not Your Problem, But…
Now I need you to understand, this isn’t every guy! There are many, many brave men, of all ages fighting this urge. But only very healthy and mature men. And they are a very sad minority.
I need you to understand something else as well. If guys do this, it isn’t your fault. It is theirs, for not learning to control this. But have some sympathy for them! Look around you, and just notice how many billboards, and just everyday women are walking around in highly suggestive clothing. They are being trained from infancy that this is normal. It is so, so hard.
Surely we could do something to help them? Something to show them that someone cares, and even loves them.
Paul speaks strongly about how, though some things may not bother us (such as eating meat sacrificed to idols) we should not cause those who struggle with it to stumble by what we do. As Christians, we are called to help those weaker than us. What if you were showing girl power by dressing more modestly, and standing against the corrupt fashion system? Now that would be taking a stand!
But I Want To!
I totally understand! I still want to be fashionable! I still want to be noticed! I’m totally annoyed by the fact that guys don’t seem interested in me (lol ;-) )! I totally understand.
It’s true, guys are way more likely to give us attention when we are showing more skin, wearing tighter fitting clothes, wearing heavy makeup, and being what the world calls fashionable. And it feels really good to be noticed by guys. But those guys are looking at your skin, your outward beauty. Is that really the kinda guy you want to be with? Someone who will trade you off as soon as he finds someone even more attractive? Someone who uses you as a tool to satisfy his own lusts?
Fashion has been trying to become more and more edgy, because they know they can make more money if men find girls sexually attractive to them. When the bikini first came out, the companies couldn’t find women to model them. Not even prostitutes would model them. That really says something about how our morals as a society have been crumbling.
Guys who are the real gems, those who are fighting their lusts, will avoid you if you wear those sorts of clothing. My brother often confuses women, by completely turning his eyes away from them when they are immodestly dressed (he could learn to be a wee bit more subtle). My Dad takes off his glasses. Women may think them rude, but actually they are protecting those women from themselves. They are being heros.
So maybe you could be a hero to the men in your life, by making their lives easier. Maybe chat to your Dads’, or some safe men in your life, asking how to make things easier for them. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, really take a think, and maybe ask some women for their thoughts. It's not about you, it's for them!